Saturday, November 14, 2009

Qi gong healing course - Part 3

Today was part 3 of my qi gong healing course and it's been quite a journey. I started learning qi gong for more selfish reasons ie to try heal myself and hopefully get rid of my anxiety issues. Who would've thought that I'll be healing other people.

I've also been privileged to get to know such a compassionate group of people who are so passionate about healing. They have made people's lives a little bit better just through the touch of their hands. It's true, there is no greater feeling than having helped someone, no matter how little.

This course has changed the way I think and made me re-assess my goals in life. I've always wanted to contribute to society in some way, and now I've found the ideal way of doing it. Some people are able to contribute money, skills, time etc. Well, I am extremely grateful to have been shown how to heal. Maybe in my own little way I'll be able to touch people's lives in a positive way.

We don't need to change the world to make a difference, we just need to do our part.

Monday, November 9, 2009

So Unfit!

Just came back from my belly dancing class and I'm a little dizzy and achy. Why? Because I've been too tired to exercise. With my son getting HFMD and hubby feeling a little ill, I haven't been getting a good nights sleep. Oh yeah, and I've got piles which is a mild annoyance to say the least.

But it was good to get my blood pumping again. And it's nice to spend some time just doing something I like. I just want to get away sometimes. Just to relax and maybe get some solid restorative sleep! My family are the love of my life and I'd do anything for them, but I think I need some time away. I don't need a long holiday, a night at a resort or hotel would be perfect. Ideally some place with really nice beds. Going to make it happen!

Friday, November 6, 2009

It's a Choice

It's a choice, to get out of bed every morning, to be happy, to be healthy, to appreciate life. I still go through bouts of anxiety and depression sometimes, and I make the choice to be happy every single day, to enjoy my family, my friends, my life. The thing with anxiety and depression is that if you allow it to get a grip on you, it'll bring you further and further down. So, God willing, I will be happy every single day of my life. I can't 'depend' on anyone to make me happy. My happiness is my own responsibility.

I know some people will think "What is she going on about?". Well, only people who have gone through anxiety and depression will understand how difficult it is to function without being fearful and/or unhappy. I see it as a period of change in my life, a signal that my life can't go on the way it has. It's time to make positive changes, it's not easy but, this too shall pass, and I will overcome my anxiety and depression.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


With Hari Raya Aidilfitri or Eid coming up in just 4 days, everyone is definitely getting the festival bug. This year however I'll be missing a really close family friend. My dearest friend, whom I've known since I was 7 years old lost her father yesterday. He was a jovial character, always ready with a joke, always teasing me and my family. In fact, we consider him and his family part of our family. So it was a shock for me to get a text saying he's in critical condition, and to watch him breathe his last breath a few hours later. It will be a sombre Aidilfitri for my friend and her family. But life goes on.

May Allah bless his soul and the souls of those who have left us. Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri everybody. Drive safe.

Saturday, August 29, 2009


The fasting month is upon us and all I can think about at the moment is a nice cheeseburger with melted cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, and a dollop of tomato sauce with a side of crunchy, hot french fries and a cold glass of thick strawberry milkshake. Ok, ok, so I'm losing the plot. It really is a time of reflection, gratitude and family (for me anyway).

So far I've had wonderful food and company, everyone's healthy and doing well, and for all that I am extremely grateful. Amidst all the doom and gloom of the economy, the H1N1 flu and the absurdities of Malaysian politics, I really can't complain about my lot in life. There are people better off, but there are more people worse off than me. So all I have to say for the moment is alhamdulillah and a blessed Ramadan everybody.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Healing Yourself

I hate reading the papers nowadays. It's depressing and not too good for my anxiety. So, I try not to read much news. I try to only read stuff that I'll enjoy. Currently I'm reading up on the Law of Attraction. It's definitely interesting and something I'd like to try out. Some people are definitely skeptical, but to me, well, it's not hurting anyone and it's quite harmless so why not?

People are always afraid of things they don't understand. I suppose it's human nature. Currently I am trying to learn more energy healing especially qi gong and Reiki. The amount of drugs people take nowadays is astonding. There are drugs to help you sleep, keep awake, basically just for you to function in your daily life. My family consume a lot of drugs for cholesterol, high blood pressure, diabetes etc. I personally would like to avoid that and I want my son to live a fairly drug free life.

I'm not putting down medications, but you have to agree that all it does is normalise the symptoms but it doesn't treat the underlying cause. So maybe, we should start looking for ways to treat it rather than just use drugs to keep it under control. If we don't, from what I've seen, we'll just have to keep increasing the dosage. Until what? There are no drugs strong enough? We also have to remember that most drugs come with it's own delightful side effects. In my opinion, it's just something we should think about

Friday, July 31, 2009

Feeling a lot better

I'm feeling much better today. Though a panic attack may last for a little while, the after effects tend to linger. In my case that includes tenseness, and tiredness since I don't sleep so well. I've been doing some qi gong especially the deep breathing. It's amazing how much it has helped me to fall asleep. I'm still trying to get the hang of meditation, but it's not easy. When you're stressed it's just so much harder to calm your mind. Well, as they say, practice makes perfect.

Monday, July 27, 2009


Arghhh... had an anxiety attack today, although just a mild one. However I'm still feeling the after effects. I'm feeling tense, jittery, anxious, worried and most of all, tired. I tried to have a nap just to relax, but I'm too keyed up. I read that it takes a long time for the stress hormones to subside after an anxiety or panic attack. So I've just got to relax and wait it out. Unfortunately, the tenseness also comes with neckaches and a little dizziness.

I've been doing some deep breathing and qi gong exercises just to alleviate the symptoms. It seems to be helping. But tonight I think I'll need some valerian before going to bed just to relax me a little more. I haven't had an attack for quite a while, so this was out of the blue for me. Perhaps I'm worrying about something sub-conciously. Worry seems to be the trigger for me. Hope I'll get a good nights sleep tonight.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Singapore Trip 2009

Yup, went to Singapore again. Stayed in the same hotel as well. Can't help it, Grand Park Hotel City Hall really is in a great location. There are loads of shops and restaurants and the MRT all within walking distance. Raffles City and Funan Center are just nearby, I didn't even go to Orchard Road this time.

The first day we arrived we just went to Funan Center to check out the IT stuff. Then had dinner at the excellent Straits Kitchen in the Grand Hyatt. Next day we visited Singapore Zoo. I hate to say it but it's way better than Zoo Negara. I can't understand why Zoo Negara can't get the kind of corporate support that Singapore Zoo has done. Almost every animal is sponsored by one company or another. The facilities are first class with restaurants packed to the roof, and this was a week day mind you. I hope that after the refurbishments at Zoo Negara, it'll rival Singapore Zoo. Come on people, support Zoo Negara, it's a great place to bring the kids. Ditch the malls for one weekend and pack up the kids. I'm sure they'll love it there.

We also went to Vivo City near Harbourfront. This was just to go to Toys r Us. I promised my son a Bumblebee, but they don't have the Bumblebee conversion 2 in Malaysia. Managed to find it in Singapore though. Luckily the Toys R Us card is also valid in Singapore so I don't lose out on any points.

Luckily for us, most restaurants in Singapore are now pork free or completely halal, so food is no longer a problem. With the new amusement parks coming up next year in Singapore, I think it might be an annual holiday destination for us.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Qi gong healing for endometriosis

I'm currently undergoing some qi gong healing for my endometriosis. So apart from learning, I'm also seeing Sifu Tan ( for some personalised healing sessions. So far, so good. The first time he did it during my period, I felt like someone turned the tap on full, there was so much blood and clots, but fortunately without much pain. During the second session, he said there was some blockage so he cleared that and I felt 'lighter'. It's hard to describe unless you've experienced qi gong healing for yourself. Today was my third session and for some reason I felt better after. It's almost like something bad has been removed, but I don't know what. It's a very subtle feeling.

My next session will be on the 21st. In the meantime, I'm off to Singapore tomorrow with the whole family. Now to continue with the packing : )

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Panic Attacks - Six Months On

I'm very happy to say that I have had no panic or anxiety attacks recently. The last bad one was just before I went on holiday to Hong Kong. The swine flu sort of stressed me out a little, not really worrying about me but my son. In the end we had a great trip and no worries.

I believe the physical aspect of panic attacks have to be dealt with first before any sort of healing can take place. That is why I am so grateful that my husband found the Panic Away ebook on the net. It basically explained every single sensation I was feeling so I didn't feel as if I was going to die each time I had an attack. People may think I'm exaggerating, but only people who have had it can emphatise. That was why the Internet was a lifesaver, I found out I wasn't the only one and it was actually very comforting. The most important thing for me was understanding what was going on with me, the more I understood it, the less scared I became. If you want to try it, Click Here!

It's got a money back guarantee, so if you think it's not for you, you can just ask for a refund. I fully recommend it because it worked for me personally.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Malay pulak...

Seriously, does Muhyyiddin even know what he's talking about. The fact that he has no idea that grammar is no longer taught in schools speaks volumes of his ignorance. He has only been the Education Minister since what - 2 months ago? And now he's making this huge decision to revert the teaching of Maths and Science to Malay.

As a mother it sickens me to think that my son's education is in the hands of such fools. My son is still young but myself, and the majority of Malaysians, may not be able to afford private or international schools. Most politicians send their children to international schools, then they are shipped off overseas for their degrees. I think it should be made a policy that all politicians must send their children to public schools, at least for their primary education. Who knows, they may actually be more sensitive to our childrens' plight, or is that just wishful thinking on my part?

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Cafe Al-Ghufran

Al-Ghufran is actually the mosque located at the border of Taman Tun Dr Ismail and Sungai Penchala. You can see it on a hill on your left if you're coming to 1Utama from Sri Damansara.

The enterprising people there have set up a nice cafe just behind the mosque. As it's a separate entity from the mosque, it's open to anyone and everyone, all day. No, you don't have to wear a tudung to go there. I haven't been there for lunch but it seems they have a buffet spread though I'm not too sure about the pricing.

I have been there for dinner and the food is good. We have tried the ikan bakar, ayam goreng kampung, nasi goreng kampung, tom yam, spaghetti bolognese, grilled salmon with butter lemon sauce, paprik ayam and everything was delicious.

Unfortunately the service is quite bad. They don't seem to be very organised resulting in forgotten and/or late orders. The food itself comes out of the kitchen pretty quick, but no one is there to deliver it.

I really hope they get their act together soon. No one wants to wait half an hour just for teh tarik.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Work, work, work

I've been very fortunate recently to have gotten projects back-to-back. As any freelancer will tell you, this is godsend. Unfortunately, my son also got ill, and the work not only came back-to-back, but all at once! So I've been rushing around like a headless chicken, trying to get everything done. Yesterday I finished a big project so breathing a sigh of relief today and going for a massage.

Weeks of bending over the computer is killing my back, so regular massages are a must. I'm not talking about a relaxing spa massage here, but the therapeutic kind. Works wonders for my stress levels as well.

Anxiety levels have gone wayyyy down. Still get the occasional attacks but handling it much better. I've been reading more, praying more and thinking/worrying less (or trying to anyway). Positive thinking is the way to go. The mind is extremely powerful, controlling though, takes some time and practice. So breathe deeply, be grateful and think positive, that's my current mantra.

Monday, May 25, 2009


Is anyone sick of reading about politics already? I am. I can't believe how immature and power (money??) hungry our politicians are. All I want is for the next elections to come quickly so we can kick all of them out and form a new government. At this point, I'm willing to try something new.

When I go out alone, I don't carry handbags. When I park my car, I have to be extra vigilant. When I drive into my house I rush to close the gate. I don't think I'm the only one. It's sad that you feel so paranoid just going to the supermarket, but with the police chasing Pakatan Rakyat politicians rather than burglars, mat rempits and snatch thieves, we just have to take extra care of ourselves.

Many neighbourhoods now have private security, so we pay extra for safety. And here I thought the safety of the people would be the utmost importance to our government. But noooo! They live happily in guarded houses, spend tax payers money, travel all over the world with family in tow also at our expense, their wives spend, spend, spend, then use our money again to cart all their shopping back to Malaysia.

I'm sorry, but it's hard to believe our new PM when he says he's with the people, then his wife goes out all blinged up and his children all study overseas. And have you noticed that politicians children have not been called up for National Service training?

I think I'll just stop reading the newspapers. Well...maybe I'll just skip the front bits and go straight to the comics instead. Even Calvin and Hobbes exhibit more intelligence than our politicians.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hong Kong & Disneyland

Just came back from Hong Kong and it was great! I was a little stressed out before going with the all the swine flu news in Hong Kong. We had sanitisers, tissues, wet wipes and masks all ready. But Hong Kong is extremely well prepared with airport staff being extra vigilant and we even had our temperature taken by the hotel staff before checking in. They clean and sanitise everything including lifts and carpets. There were hand sanitisers placed everywhere, even in Disneyland. You just can't help but feel reassured that they are doing all they can to prevent any infection.

Hong Kong Disneyland was great for our toddlers, not too big so they managed to get on almost all the rides. There were not that many people so queues were short and we didn't have to wait long. It was quite hot so we had to slather on the sunscreen or risk sun burn. We decided to stay one night at the Disney Hollywood hotel and made full use of the shuttle bus to and from Disneyland. It's so much more relaxed as we were able to go back for a nap, then come back again at night for the fireworks, and go again the next morning.

Our hotel in Tsim Sha Tsui, Park Hotel, was also in a great location, near shops and the MTR. We could easily get food and go shopping on foot. Me and my husband didn't really go to far, we didn't even go over to the island to Causeway Bay since Harbour City had everything. It's such a huge mall that we didn't even have time to see all of it. Hong Kong is not cheap, but they definitely have variety. I'm not just talking about designer items (which were lovely, of course), but children's things as well. They had gorgeous book shops, toy stores and clothes for children that you feel like buying everything. I didn't of course, but it was nice to just ogle a little.

We managed to get a good deal from Malaysia Airlines with air tickets, both hotels, city tour and Disneyland tickets all thrown in. I really wouldn't mind going again. On the way back home from KLIA Hakim started crying saying he wanted to stay on at the hotel in Hong Kong. Perhaps in a few years time we might plan to go again, I hear they're thinking of expanding Disneyland.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Almost back to normal

I've almost forgotten what it feels like to have a panic attack. However, I do remember that it's something that I never want to go through again. The most I have now are muscle spasms or tension headaches, apart from that I'm also learning how not to worry too much.

I've always been very grateful for what I have, but I don't think or say it often enough. Faith, gratitude and meditation have helped me get through this. Sometimes in our hurry to live life, we forget to slow down, take a deep breath and be present. I have a penchant for thinking about the future too much, planning, worrying all the time. So now I try to enjoy the present, not to think about the past or worry about the future too much. I've read some articles and books which made me realise that thinking too much about the past and future prevents you from enjoying the present - watching my son grow, spending time with hubby, long lazy dinners with my family - basically just concentrating completely on the work (or play!) at hand.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009


It's been two months since I was in the hospital and I have to say things are going well. Believe it or not I still have some withdrawal symptoms, but they're slowly going away. Gone are the splitting headaches, nausea, diarrhea and jitteriness, thank God.

I've also experienced a total shift in the way I think. I am really trying to look at all things in a positive way, no more incessant worrying about everything. No more stressing about petty things and a lot more gratitude and appreciation for life, my life especially. I notice when I'm tired or ill, the negative thoughts creep in, so I have to try harder to focus on happier thoughts. It's not easy for me, a constant worrier, but I am getting better at it.

Reiki has helped a lot in calming me when I need to sleep, but it's effect is quite 'light', well, maybe because I'm only at level 1. Recently I attended a Qi Gong course (, which I hope will help me achieve calmness and health. The course was excellent and I hope to attend all the courses to enable me to heal myself and help others heal as well.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


It's been a month since I was discharged from the hospital. I'm down to a quarter Xanax a night and I've started taking Rilax tablets as well twice a day. I've also been going for regular massages and trying to get in some regular exercise.

Yesterday I was a little stressed about some back pain I've been having, so had some anxiety attacks around 4am. Not good but not awful either. At least I know what is happening with my body. Unfortunately I didn't know why it happened since I was fast asleep and suddenly woke up to panic attacks. I like to think that it's the Xanax withdrawal hitting me because I have no other explanation. I'm trying to relax a bit more today and see if it helps, also plan to do some jogging this evening just to reduce the adrenaline and up the endorphines in my body. Hope it works because I'm a bit on edge today.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Tapering Off

So far, so good with the tapering off that I programmed for myself. Slight headaches and dizziness, but I'm not lethargic and fatigued anymore. A little tired, but a cat nap in the afternoon sorted that out. I'm seeing the psychiatrist today to talk a bit more about my tendency to over-think everything.

My cousin suggested a daily winding down period every night for myself. I just read somewhere women with alpha personalities tend to want to do everything themselves and, unfortunately, end up not enjoying their lives. They get so stressed out trying to do everything themselves. My husband thinks I have that personality trait. So my goal is to be a little more easy going and not have my life so scheduled and rigid. I am definitely going for more therapeutic massages to relax and re-program the way I think. So my mantra now is relax, relax, relax...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Panic Attacks and Anxiety

It's been ages since I updated so here goes. After the fever I had in December, it was followed swiftly by a stomach bug and a very bad reaction to an anti-nausea drug. Suffice to say, it was panic attack after panic attack. My body was exhausted from lack of sleep and food. I was in tears begging for sleep and calmness. The psychiatrist started me on some Xanax (relaxants) and Lexapro (anti-depressants). Unfortunately the stress and anxiety was still there causing nausea, stomach aches and tenseness. I was in the hospital for about 10 days to sort everything out.

When I came out the attacks actually started again. My husband found this great e-book called Panic Away which helped me deal with the panic attacks. Unfortunately the side effects of the anti-depressant started kicking in. I have no appetite whatsoever, wind, jitteryness, nausea and I can't relax. I have to admit it gives you energy, but it's seems like 'fake' energy because I know my body is tired. So I've decided to stop it but a lot of websites I read say that you have to taper off slowly. I haven't been able to talk to any of my doctors about it but I feel that the side effects are not worth it. I also read that the withdrawals symptoms are horrible especially if you've taken them for a long time. I wish I was more informed before being given Lexapro. My doctor said no side effects and there would be no problems stopping, which is not true.

I've halved my dosage without speaking to my doctor (since I can't seem to reach her), and I'm praying that all goes well.